Star Wars' Epic Saga...so far!
Okay, so I re-watched all the Star Wars films in preparation for next week’s new Star Wars installment, The Force Awakens. Note that the first time I watched the original trilogy was way back when I was 10 years old, so last week’s whole day marathon was a great refresher! Almost 2 decades later and Star Wars is still as cool as ever! But I have to admit though; there were a few things I didn’t realize or appreciate about Star Wars when I watched it as a kid. As a fun exercise I thought I'd list down some things about the series that I’m only just figuring out:
(Disclaimer: No, this isn’t some profound discussion of Star Wars’ underlying themes or philosophies. They’re just shallow things that went over my young and unassuming head.)
1) Anakin has NO FATHER.
I've heard of Force Push and Force Lightning, but FORCE PREGNANCY?!?!
Yup. Seriously. This was one of the more shocking new discoveries I had. When Qui-Gon Jinn asked Shmi, Anakin’s mother, who the boy’s father was, she said there was none. She was impregnated by the Force (is my guess)! As if the religious allegories weren’t obvious enough with the notions of a savior and a Jedi’s resemblance to devout priests, Star Wars just had to go HERE too!
2) The Force is measurable in the blood via Midi-chlorian blood count.
"Even Master Yoda doesn't have a midi-chlorian count that high!"
What is this midi-chlorian nonsense? Well apparently it’s an element of one’s blood that’s a precursor to how strong the Force is in an individual. But what I wonder is: if the force has a physical component to it, does that mean it can be transferred? Would blood transplant GIVE force? Boom! Mind blown!
3) Darth Maul can talk!
"At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi."
I always thought Darth Maul was the silent but deadly type. I did not at all remember that he had ONE scene where he spoke in Episode I. It goes, (after a line about tracking Qui-Gon’s ship) “At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will have revenge.”
Everything I knew about Darth Maul…was it all a lie?!?!
4) Episode II Anakin is a mega creeper!
Whatchulookin' at, Anakin SkyCreeper??
Darth Vader was romantically involved with Queen Amidala, we all know that. But what I didn’t recognize back then was how unsettling that whole love angle was! I mean, OH MY GOD, adolescent Anakin Skywalker CAN YOU BE ANY CREEPIER?!?!
That's EXACTLY how you should smile at someone you just saw.
Haydn Christensen trying to be smooth was HORRIBLE! Anakin’s smiles or long glances gave off a stalker-y vibe I couldn’t shake off and Haydn Christensen and Natalie Portman couldn’t find chemistry if it hit them in the face!
5) Luke ends up in the care of Anakin's step-brother.
Luke's Uncle Owen as seen on Episode II.
This is probably just me and my forgetful brain. I know Luke ends up with his uncle back on Tatooine; but I don’t know why I never went, “Wait. Wasn’t Anakin an only child?”. Well the answer to that question I never asked is that when Anakin tries to track down his mother in Episode II, he finds out that Shmi gets married to Cliegg Lars and becomes the stepmother to his son, Owen. So Owen, the guy who raises Luke in Episode IV, is Anakin’s stepbrother!
6) The Jedi mind trick works on animals too.
What to expect at the Skywalker Ranch.
Yup, apparently it does. In Episode II, during the battle in Geonosis where Anakin, Obi-Wan and Padme were captured and forced to face giant alien beasts, Anakin used the force to subdue and subsequently ride his attacker.
…Or at least, it looked like he was using the force. Either that or he was one hell of an alien dog whisperer.
7) C3PO is programmed for etiquette.
C3PO the Protocol Droid.
I am ashamed to admit, I had no idea what C3PO’s function was back then. (I’m sorry fellow nerds.) I sort of just filed him under “the whiny robot companion of R2D2”. So yeah, for those who want to know, C3PO is programmed for inter-culture etiquette and language interpretation. He’s Google Translate if Google Translate was a robot.
8) Episode 4 Luke is uber pogi!
Dat smile tho!
Am I right?? I never appreciated how good looking a guy Mark Hamill was in his prime, but bro to bro, that dude is pogi!
9) Princess Leia was more sexualized than I thought.
9) Princess Leia was more sexualized than I thought.
Waaaay too comfortable for a prisoner.
Yeah, I know about slave Leia, the single most controversial moment in science fiction, but watching it now, as an adult, I realized that the character’s sexualization started way before Episode VI. The first time Luke sees Leia, she’s in this pose that would make male magazine cover models jealous!
10) Incest is gross(er).
One out of...i don't even know how many times these two kissed!
Already knowing Luke and Leia are siblings really puts the original trilogy in a different light. I don’t know. It’s just grosser now. Especially since Luke and Leia don’t just kiss ONCE; happens MULTIPLE TIMES THROUGHOUT THE SERIES!!! NGYYEECK!
11) The real reason for the Empire’s defeat…was being understaffed.
Imperial Command Number One Work Hazard: Being Force Choked.
‘Coz Vader kept killing his crew! The Empire’s soldiers were Star Wars’ equivalent of Star Trek’s Red Shirts. On the brighter side, climbing the Empire’s ranks is probably going to be pretty easy; just be next to the guy Lord Vader decides to force choke.
12) Han really did shoot first.
12) Han really did shoot first.
Fans have long clamored that “Han shot first” – I finally understand what this means! I thought it was about Han and Lando, but man was I off! Han Solo’s first scenes was when he was being confronted by a bounty hunter named Greedo. Greedo has him at gun point, but Han slyly draws his gun under the table and shoots Greedo first. This would forever define the character as Star Wars’ anti-hero.
Han Shot First!
But this scene has been altered by George Lucas in a later release of the film, injecting a beam from Greedo’s blaster right before Han shoots. George Lucas insists it was always his intent that Greedo was the one who shot first and that Han was never meant to be a cold-blooded killer. But long-time fans reject the change as it drastically alters Han’s morally ambiguous (and more compelling) characterization.
We may never hear the end of this debate but one thing’s for sure; Han shot first!
13) Darth Vader has a very awkward egg-room-thing.
Where Vader gets his beauty sleep.
Hohoho, sorry, I just found this funny.:))
14) I now understand the hate for the NEW trilogy. (Well okay, not “hate”, more like displeasure.)
Why so emo?
I used to think OUR generation’s trilogy (Ep I – III) was better with its cooler lightsaber fights and infinitely better special effects. But real Star Wars fans still prefer the original, and now I can understand why.
Feel the love!
Episode I to III didn’t have the sense of innovation Episode IV – VI had. Star Wars incited an inimitable sense of awe and wonder on the world you seldom see in our sci-fi heavy contemporary cinema. And the new trilogy lost a lot of the humor and light-heartedness that made the original trilogy a blast. Luke, Han and Leia all had this playful air about them; as opposed to the whiny and angry Anakin. Its story used to be simple: good vs. bad, light vs. dark, the valiant rebellion vs. the oppressive galactic empire; but the new one had overly convoluted trade politics as its backdrop (exasperated by long ass expositions!). An easy, light-hearted space adventure vs. tedious politics and shadowy string-pulling (and child killing) – it’s no contest. The original trilogy will always stand out as one of the best things to happen in science fiction cinema!
Luke, Han and Leia, sci-fi's greatest!
***
I’ve bought my tickets, ironed my Star Wars shirts and finished my 6 film refresher course – ready for Star Wars The Force Awakens, I am! Hope you are too! See you on December 17 and May The Force Be With You!
*First seen on The Philippine Online Chronicles!
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