I’m sure even superheroes celebrate Labor day. No one, not even Supermen, can escape bills and rent and whatnot. Unfortunately for them, they don’t get paid for saving the world from certain doom. So superheroes need day jobs too!
Although I can’t imagine anyone being a masked vigilante while crunching numbers as an accountant; or scouring the rooftops at night while addressing client demands in advertising. If they’re gonna go vigilante-ing, they might as well choose a profession that helps maintain that lifestyle. (I imagine they’d need the type of work that gives them access to resources and some freedom from managerial oversight.) In light of that, here are some of the jobs that are most suitable for the ever busy superhero!
1) Reporter
What better place to find out what’s wrong with the world than in a news company. Sure a lot of it is just going to be celebrity gossip and restaurant reviews, but there are still going to be the occasional mass murderer and civil unrest and that’s when our hero can step in to intervene.
Or it could work the other way around - like Peter Parker, who makes the news. He does his superheroic duty and takes photos of himself in action and then sells them to the paper. Some would argue that it’s deceitful, but give the guy a break. I’m sure his perpetual life risking well compensates for the amount he earns at the Bugle.
Notable Reporters (slash news photographers): Superman (Clark Kent), Spider-Man (Peter Parker)
2) Businessman / CEO
If you’re gonna dedicate your life to protecting civilians and saving the world, it might help if you’re already pretty freakin’ rich! As a business owner, or even just a CEO, you’d have a lot of freedom for your extra-curricular activities and access to valuable resources you’re gonna need if you don’t have any super human abilities to show for. Gear and gadgets and such don’t come cheap!
The more lucrative the business, the easier it gets to run around fighting crime. Just be careful when spending company money. Even Batman is vulnerable to the nefarious tax audits!
Notable Businessmen/CEOs: Batman (Bruce Wayne), Oliver Queen (Green Arrow)
3) Police / Soldiers
Cops already have that innate trait to protect others, which is probably why a lot of our heroes are either police officers or soldiers. Hell, if they didn’t have powers and a secret identity, they’d STILL be heroes in my book!
As a police officer or soldier, superheroes will be the first responder to their city’s crime and distress. And if normal law enforcement methods aren’t enough, that’s when the superhuman abilities come in handy!
Notable Police Officers/Soldiers: Nightwing (Dick Grayson), Dragon (from Savage Dragon) Captain America (Steve Rogers), War Machine (James Rhodes)
4) Lawyers
It’s naïve to think that the law serves justice to all offenders (especially in comics). Whether it be because of some inane technical loop hole or more underhanded means, every so often, there are felons who slip through the cracks of legislation.
Honest lawyers have a front row seat when criminals unjustly get off the hook. So when they can’t be punished within the confines of the law, heroes like Matt Murdock seek justice outside of it.
Being a lawyer AND superhero ensures that no one escapes justice! Even if it’s vigilante justice.
Notable Attorneys: Daredevil (Matt Murdock), She-Hulk (Jennifer Walters), Arrow’s Black Canary (Laurel Lance)
5) Scientist / Inventor
Science! Those who don’t have the brawns at least have the brains! Iron Man, Mister Fantastic, The Atom, Beast – their superhuman ability is not so much their strength or armor or powers, as it is their brilliant minds. And as the saying goes “if you’re good at something, don’t do it for free.” – A belief these heroes apparently share.
Just a piece of advice, if find yourself in trouble, it’s good to have a scientist/inventor with you. You never know when you might need to Mcgyver your way out of a pinch!
Notable Scientists: Ant-Man (Hank Pym), The Atom (Ray Palmer), Mister Fantastic (Reed Richards), Beast (Hank McCoy), The Flash (Barry Allen)
The next entries are jobs more superheroes should be doing! (Coz I can’t find any hero who’s doing these yet, but they seem to be really ideal for the vigilante way of life.)
6) Salesman
I don’t know why there aren’t enough salesmen-superheroes. I mean, it’s the perfect “get off work with no one noticing” excuse. Once you meet your quota, then you’re free to gallivant around the city in your flamboyant homemade spandex suit!
And it can be a pretty good opportunity too, especially if you’re in hardware or construction sales. Picture this: you rescue someone from their burning house. You save their lives, but why not leave your calling card, so you can help save their house too? Offer discount building supplies or manpower service! Who says you can’t save the world AND earn a living at the same time?
7) Traffic Enforcer / MMDA
The road is one of the most dangerous places for civilians – especially in the Philippines – so imagine just how many a street-patrolling superhero could save!
If there was an MMDA officer who could run like Quicksilver and catch pickpockets or holdapers (or those kids who just suddenly open your door on EDSA), or if he could stop cars from colliding with each other using his bare hands, daytime crime and accident rates would be at an all-time low!
Now if there was only a superpower to solve EDSA traffic and road rage…
8) Disaster Relief Officer
In the past few years, major typhoons have hit our country – so much so that our response team is actually getting more and more efficient. But it’s never enough. No matter how capable and eager they are to save lives, there WILL be times when something is too heavy or a person is too unreachable.
When practice and heart meet reality, powers can really come in handy. Telepathically lift debris, or sense the location of people still buried under rubble, or teleport into an inaccessible area – those are just some ways that superheroes could be crazy useful in disaster response.
9) Government Pencil Pusher
What this country could be if we had a human lie detector or a Punisher-type of hero in the government, am I right? *Sigh*, a guy can dream.
***
A superhero’s work is never done. And his day job probably isn’t either! Good thing they have the forward thinking to look for professions that are financially lucrative, independent and practical to help them do both at the same time!
So for all hard workers and/or superheroes out there, Happy Labor Day you guys!
*First seen on The Philippine Online Chronicles!
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